Taste No Evil, See No Evil, Smell No Evil.
What’s that? Didn’t know that July is National Hot Dog Month? According to the National Hot Dog & Sausage Council — a proud project of the American Meat Institute — the dog days of August officially romp through the gardens of July. What’s more, the holiest day of hot dogdom— cryptically called National Hot Dog Day—falls on July 22 this year. (Responsibility for calculating the yearly date traditionally fell to K Street lobbyists consulting with Jeane Dixon© and the Mayan Calendar™, however now that the latters are former, Big Meat is rumored to be using “the Internets”.) Because summer has come early to Seattle, Hank has been celebrating all month long in his bikini and not confining festivities to just one day.
Sort of like Betty White:
Whom among us does not profit on Betty White’s longevity?
Should you like to digest more pork-n-poultry propaganda, you can visit the Council’s website, at—wait for it— http://hot-dog.org/. You’ll find lean, meat-like scraps such as this bit that flew out of the cauldron and fell at Hank’s feet: According to the Council, “Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport consumes SIX times more hot dogs, 725,000 more than Los Angeles International Airport and La Guardia Airport combined.” Which proves that airports really are hungry, hungry monsters and explains why Hank never gets his bags back.
But. Back to the dog we all love and his gift to you:
Hank’s Favorite Illustrated Recipe for Hot Dogs
• Grab four (4) hot dogs (any size)
Si, mi Corazón, si. I am hot.
Yes, I do want fries with that.
• Add a friend or two (with thumbs)
• Salt to taste
• Dust in fine sand
• Add sticks
• Add more sand
• Masticate delicious barnacles
• Barf up masticated barnacles
And there you have it! Hank’s delicious hot dogs. Don’t even thank him. He knows.
Wiping out is an under-appreciated skill.