Cake Rex

Cake for the King | ©2014

Almost a Cake Wreck.

Hank has been a bit unhinged since his last birthday.

“Unhinged” cannot possibly be a good omen for his dotage. You see, Hank has become obsessed, and we’re talking more than the usual Hank obsessed, more than the run-of-the-mill Hank unhinging du jour….this is more like OBSESSION, and this is indeed All Caps.



Hank’s even brought Cap into his affliction.

In the terrible presence of cake, Hank becomes what can only be described a maniac. Perhaps you’ve met this kind of maniac before. Perhaps you’ve met such a maniac in the person of The God of Cake:

“The God of Cake” © Allie Brosh (

Well, this is the kind of maniac we’re talking about: scratchy, clawing, wee arms; huge, gnashing teeth. Terrifying.

It all started innocuously enough. Hank loved his three-layer, peanut butter & yam, blueberry & pea-bejeweled crown cake so much. He’d been waiting, waiting, waiting all day long in the kitchen as the cake came into glorious being. He knew. This cake was his. All his. When the big moment finally arrived, the candles were lit, minions were singing, and it all got very nutters very quickly.

Where have you been all my life, Cake?

Where have you been all my life, Cake? Don’t mind my crazy eyes.

This may be when something actually snapped

[ This may be the point at which something in Hank snapped ]

[ Definitely by this point ]

[ certainly by this point ]

Or maybe it was here

[ yep]

Hank fell on that glowing, golden crown and ate that puppy in one gigantic, and frankly, disturbing ____?  We’re not even sure there’s a word in the English language for it. (It’s probably something you can only say in German.)

Cap jumps on the Crazy Train

Cap joins Hank on the Crazy Train

However you call it, that cake got gone.

Then Hank demanded another cake. Which he got. The next day. Because he turned 14 after all. Then he demanded another one. And another. Then Hank went beyond-the-beyond and declared that Every Day is Hank’s Birthday since every day is a brand-new milestone for a 14-year old Labrador, and every birthday must be celebrated with cake.

So it began and so it continues. Stay tuned for Cake Rex Part II: Let Him Eat Cake. Please don’t let this happen to someone you love.



About Hank.

Raconteur | Dog About Town
This entry was posted in Art, Books, Critters, Dangerous Babies, Photography, Tom Hardy's Teeth, Worth a Sniff and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Cake Rex

  1. Judy Patterson says:

    Now that is the very most incredible dog cake ever!!!!Hank is one lucky dude!!!!!!  love j  

  2. dandyknife says:

    He ate it in one gigantic gestalt?

    Such a beautiful cake! The jewels make it really special.

  3. Hank. says:

    Ha! Yes, something very like that! I was thinking something very Sturm und Drang like, “verschlingt Reißen schockierend Schluck und rülpsen”…which certainly captures the horror but doesn’t roll off this tongue particularly easily.

  4. Hank. says:


  5. Jo Woolf says:

    Oh my GOODNESS! Hank, you are becoming a cake-fuelled despot! (That cake looks good! Actually, I really fancy making myself a cake now…….)

  6. Hank. says:

    That cake tasted really, really good so Hank’s lucky it survived long enough to get frosted. This is probably why he didn’t leave the kitchen for an instant…it’s best to keep an eye on the baker!

  7. Catherine B says:

    Happy Birthday Hank, Esteemed Old One! I share your cake insanity. You deserve to indulge. Regards from your old neighbor,
    – Catherine

  8. joncrispin says:

    Dear Old Hank! Watch out for those candles. Blow them out before you start eating that cake. Cris and I are looking at puppies!

  9. Hank. says:

    Well, thanks ol’ buddy! Cake insanity has been scientifically proven to be infectious. Highly, highly contagious, even. The only cure is to eat so much cake that you just have to move on to pie. Or so says Hank.

  10. Hank. says:

    PUPPIES? Puppies? Oh my goodness, puppies! Very exciting news! (Of course, Hank thinks puppies are rather over-rated, but he’s just being a curmudgeon.) Keep us posted on any new arrivals!

  11. Pingback: Let Them Eat Cake | House of Hank

  12. Pingback: Hank’s Happy 15 | House of Hank

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