Bitchin’ Camaro

Hank Looks Out Over His Midlife Crisis | ©2014

Hank’s been having a wee midlife crisis. 

He’s having a tougher time getting around lately: his get-up-and-go has been running a bit rusty and boy, do his dogs get tired. How did this happen? And when? What’s a fellow to do when the years catch up all at once and insist on giving him wedgies?

There’s always the old standby for men of a certain age: 

I will haunt your dreams


The sports car. The shiny, new red sports car.

Maybe a little red Corvette?

Things seemed to be zooming in that direction until Hank’s Very Favorite Person (always the voice of reason) gave him four words to chew on: cliché,  insurance, speeding tickets.

Back to the drawing board.

Now, it’s no secret that Hank’s always hankered for a convertible. Wind through the ears, freedom of the road, the need for speed…you know da kine, McQueen.

Rollie Free on Vincent - Bonneville Salt Flats (1948)


Or….a motorcycle.

Hank’s yearly birthday wish. Hank’s taste runs towards the classics so an old Triumph Bonneville TR6 would be right up his alley. Maybe that 1952 Vincent Black Lightning? Come to think of it, an old Indian might be cool…

Indian | ©2014

…or maybe that Norton Commando

Norton Commando | ©2014

Heck, Hank wouldn’t mind a Ural with a sidecar.

Hankie's Ural | ©2014

Hello, handsome.

Oh, life as a sidecar dog.


Hank has a scooter-sized budget though, so these options weren’t looking good. In fact, it was all looking grim.

Hmm. | ©2014


Hank’s considered bringing draft horses back to Ballard. Heck yeah! But as he looked at his piggybank and then again at his back forty he sadly came to the conclusion that he’s a bit old and his backyard’s a bit small for Budweiser and Clydesdales.

Plus, laws.

What-oh-what could get Hank back in the saddle without actually getting his old bones back in a saddle?

Hank's sweet ride | ©2014


To be fair, this little number is a bit more Buick than Bitchin’ Camaro and it doesn’t go zero-to-sixty in any number of seconds but it suits Hank’s piggybank. And it came with a driver.

First stop: Mr. McGregor’s tomato patch. How Hank has missed these delicious, lovingly raised, sun-kissed heirlooms.

First stop, Mr. McGregor's tomatoes | ©2014

Next stop (and make it snappy before Mr. McGregor returns): a cool drink with old friends.

Chucklehead | ©2014


Now off to Ballard and Backfire Moto to ponder his next set of wheels…

The 2 Bit's Last Call | ©2014

…as another dive bar bites the dust in Seattle.

Are you my mother? | ©2014

You complete me.

Scotland Forever | ©2014

Two wheels or four, Hank’s pretty stoked that his new Buick looks a bit like The Saltire, and like him, it’s slow but steady-going. Maybe a little goofy at times. But old and wise.

Old and wise-ish.

Whatever it is, this is for sure: watch out world, Hank’s on the road again!


We look to Scotland for all our ideas of civilization.


About Hank.

Raconteur | Dog About Town
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10 Responses to Bitchin’ Camaro

  1. dandyknife says:

    Sean Connery? I was guessing Frank Zappa. My experience of Bond films will never be the same again.

    Anyway, hurrah for Hank! It must be fun for him to whistle “Scotland the Brave” as he rolls along. Here’s another song for his repertoire (if the link works): Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’…

  2. Judy Patterson says:

    Dear Hank, Well I’ll be darned – You seem to be getting along and going places because of your driver’s ingenuity. I too have been learning about what a beast has to go through at age 16 or thereabouts. I have actually begun to realize that I am what my driver calls – a CAT!! We moved into these new digs and these creatures keep coming around MY place without asking. My favorite time to roam is during the night especially under a “super” moon but that exquisite pleasure has been marred by a black and white furry thing that assumes the right to come purposely into MY territory and fight! I have never in my life had to fight or hiss or spray but I am learning to do those behaviors and for an old dude am not half bad. There is a hitch though, There is one of those furry things that comes around who refuses to be annoyed by my hissing and growling. She is of all things ORANGE. My driver calls her Orange kitty. I have always been called kitty so I assume we are the same kind of persons. But I don’t really know what designates girl or boy except that the boy type likes to fight. The black and white one must be a boy. Good Grief! How complex this new world is.

    Well, take care Hank good to hear from you. Purrs, Yogi

  3. Dana Arnim says:

    I can particularly relate with ole Hank right now. I’m sporting a racy little knee scooter following some foot surgery on Monday. Oops – broke my foot! But the scooter is damn fine!

  4. Hank. says:

    Yes, Sean Connery. Yes. A dreadful, dreadful thing that happened and I’m sorry to subject the world to it (again).

    Hank has no such compunction, however. He thinks it’s hilarious!

    Thanks for the link BTW – rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ indeed! It makes a nice pairing with live BBC Scotland news…amazing to be witnessing this historic event, even from afar. Ninety seven percent turnout! WOW.

  5. Hank. says:

    Hank hears you, little grasshopper. He and Ol’ Brown used to be bothered to no end by furry, masked bandits but now he can’t hear them as they parade by his window at 2am, so it’s much less annoying for everyone. Like you, his ranch is also plagued by those Ginger Avengers, and he has this to share: the Gingers are boys, too.

    As for that B&W character, be wary: Pepé Le Pew may find you irrésistible!

  6. Hank. says:

    Oh no! We’re so sorry, Dana! Hope you have a speedy–Vvvrroooom!–recovery! Wheels sure do help with that and Hank hopes yours are equally sporty!

  7. Hank. says:

    Actually, Hank’s been thumpin’ to this sweet compilation today:

    (He doesn’t expect to sell any copies of The Three EPs by the Beta Band.)

  8. dandyknife says:

    Hank’s expectations exhibit excellent instincts. No, my money is on the Proclaimers. And hire Johnny Depp as Scotland’s first president.

  9. Jo Woolf says:

    Oh, my eyeballs, is that truly Sean Connery?! Please, Hank, say it isn’t!! Love your choice of wheels – I am just about to head into Edinburgh and this form of transport would suit me fine along Princes Street. And the Saltire too – perfect!! I’m putting in an order! 🙂

  10. Hank. says:

    Oh, dear Jo – it is! That image and its aftereffects cannot be blamed on Burt Reynolds, however much one might like to. (The 1970s were such an interesting era, don’t you think?)

    Hank highly recommends his ride. It handles well on corners, too, BTW. He went on a short tootle behind a motorcycle recently and, Wheehah Scotland! A wonderful conveyance for Princes Street, indeed!

Woof! Talk to Hank

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